


I cannot see how my life would be (if you were not in it)

by Manwameldiel



Category: Richlee - Fandom, The Hobbit (Jackson Movies)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-20
Updated: 2015-11-20
Packaged: 2018-05-02 13:20:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5249627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Manwameldiel/pseuds/Manwameldiel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>During a heated argument between Richard and Lee, Richard does something he immediately regrets.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I cannot see how my life would be (if you were not in it)

Richard stood there, frozen, staring at Lee who lay on the floor, one hand on his cheek and the other on the broken glass on the floor. Richard looked down at his own hand, the one he had hit Lee with. 

He had hit Lee.

They had been fighting and in the heat of the argument Richard had lost control of himself and hit his boyfriend, hard.

He moved towards Lee, but before he could help him stand up, Lee raised his hand up to stop him. “Don't touch me” he said slowly and Richard backed away.

Lee stood up and looked at Richard, tears in his eyes. He said nothing. Just stood there, staring back at Richard, one of his hands was still bloody.   
Then, he moved towards the couch, picked up his jacket and left the apartment. 

“Lee, wait. Lee, please wait” Richard begged as he ran after him and Lee turned around. “Leave me alone, Richard. Just… Please. Don't touch me, don't talk to me, don't follow me, just leave me alone” was all he said before he turned around and slammed the door shut behind him.

Richard began walking hopelessly around the apartment, tugging at his hair.   
How could he have done that? How could he have hit Lee? How could he just lose control over himself like that?

He sat down on the couch and put his head in his hands.   
He didn't even remember what they had been fighting about, he couldn't remember why he had been angry. 

Tears begun to form in his eyes, blurring his vision. They had had arguments before, both of them had stormed out during an argument, but every time the one who had stormed out came back some time later and they would make up, but Richard didn't know if Lee would come back this time. 

He had never hit Lee, Lee had never hit Richard, Lee never would hit Richard, no matter how angry he would get and before Richard had hit Lee, he had the same though of himself, but was now proofed wrong.

What was going to happen now? He wondered. Would Lee still come back to him?

Would he perhaps only come here once again to take his stuff and then leave? Or would he maybe send someone else to do that for him? 

Maybe this had been the last time Lee was in this apartment.

~

Lee walked outside in the dark, he had given up running when he had begun tasting blood in his mouth.

He looked down at his hand, the blood from the scratches in his palm was now dry. 

After an hour or so of walking he sat down on a bench and recalled what had happened in the apartment.

They had been fighting about something, but Lee couldn't remember exactly what.   
He remembered that there had been something he said or did and Richard had called him childish, then Lee had started counting things Richard had done or said that made him more childish than Lee and then he had said something and Richard had hit him. 

It had been a hard hit, Lee recalled having seen black dots when he fell. He had fallen over a table and broke a vase. When he had landed on the floor his left palm had got cut on certain places. 

The wind started blowing and Lee pulled the jacket closer to himself.   
That's when he realized he was wearing Richard's jacket. 

Lee loved this jacket and often got it borrowed, that's why he had mistaken it for his own when he had left the apartment.

He raised the collar of the jacket up to his nose and breathed in the scent of Richard. That's when the tears that had constantly been forming in his eyes began to fall.

He, unknowingly, raised his hand and touched the cheek Richard had hit. It still hurt. Mostly because it had been Richard who had hit him. To be honest, that hurt more than the actual hit.

Lee unzipped the jacket and his hand found the left breast pocket. Richard's wallet was in there. He opened it and looked at a picture of the two of them.

Lee had taken it last summer. It was sunset and they had been sitting close to each other, their cheeks touching. Lee smiled, he remembered that evening like it had happened yesterday.

Then, he put the wallet back into the pocket and sighed.

He didn't know what to do. He couldn't go back to Richard, not right away, even though he wanted to. He just couldn't. 

He needed a place to stay, for the night. 

~

Richard didn't go sleep that night, he just couldn't make himself. He was too worried about Lee and angry at himself. 

Where was Lee? When would he come back? Would he even come back? Had Richard ruined what he had with the other man and would never see him again?

After picking up the pieces from the broken vase, that had been given to them when they started living together, and throwing them in trash, he sat down on the couch where he found Lee's coat. 

That's when he realised when Lee had left he had taken Richard's jacket. The corners of hit mouth raised slightly in a small smile as he remembered the last time they went out together, Lee had taken his boyfriend's jacket and made Richard wear one of his coats. 

He was holding that coat close to his chest when he fell asleep. When he woke up the clock showed the time 4:25. 

He didn't know how long he had been sleeping, after Lee had walked out he hadn't paid any attention to time. 

He got up and checked his phone, no messages or missed calls from Lee. 'Of course there isn't' Richard thought to himself. 'You deserve this after what you did to him'.

For the next five hours, Richard couldn't make himself do anything. He tried to eat, but only felt sick. He tried reading, but always zoomed out. 

In the end, he just sat there on the couch, holding Lee's coat, staring at nothing. 

When I was 9:32, Richard decided he had to do something. 

He got up, put on Lee's coat and went outside for a walk.

~

Lee finished his cup. He was at a small cafe beside a library somewhere in the neighborhood. 

He hadn't gotten any sleep that night, he had been wandering around all night and now he was drowning himself with cheap coffee. It wasn't as good as how Richard used to make it, but it was coffee. 

When Lee had finished his fourth cup his eyes wandered outside where he saw a familiar figure walking past the window. 

“Richard” he whispered.

He wasn't sitting by the window so the other man didn't see him and kept on walking by.

Lee wasn't sure whether he was relieved or disappointed. He wasn't sure whether he wanted to talk to Richard or not, things were so complicated.

What Richard had done, that was unforgivable. But he loved that man so much, he wasn't going to leave him, he couldn't. 

Lee quickly realised that, even after drinking four cups of coffee, he still needed sleep. 

On his way home, Lee thought what would happen when Richard would come back and see him there. But he was too tired to come to any conclusion on the matter.

When he got inside the apartment he kicked his shoes off and went straight to the bedroom. 

When he entered he saw the covers on the bed were in the exact same position as they had been last time he was in there, Richard hadn't slept in here that night. 

Had he, perhaps, like Lee, not slept at all that night? 

Lee didn't wonder for long, but lay down, not bothering removing the jacket and fell asleep, right away. 

~

When Richard had gone out, he had went for a walk to try and clear his mind, but without succeeding.  
After a while of walking, he got cold and turned around and walked back home.

When Richard entered the apartment, he noticed something was different than when he had left earlier that morning.

He looked down and saw a pair of shoes that had not been there since last night.

“Lee” he whispered. “Lee?” he raised his head and repeated a little louder, but there was no reply. 

He walked around the apartment. No one was in the living room, the kitchen was empty, no one in the bathroom.

When Richard entered the bedroom, he saw Lee was there on the bed, fast asleep.

Richard exhaled in relief, Lee was there. 

He walked towards the bed and looked more closely at Lee. The other man's cheek had a faint green colour in it, there was a faint bruise on it. Richard looked away for a moment. 

He had done this, it was because of him Lee had been out in the cold all night and that there was a bruise on his cheek. 

He looked back down again. Lee lay on his side of the bed, but his arm was outstretched over the rest of the bed, his palm facing upwards. 

Richard reached out his own hand and touched Lee's fingers with his. 

He didn't notice Lee had woken up from the touch, not until he had reached his fingers up to Richard's.

“Hi” he said, looking into Lee's eyes. “Hi” the other man answered. 

~

Lee woke up when he felt the brush of Richard's fingers against his. 

He knew whose fingers they were before he opened his eyes, he had felt their soft touch before on his hands, cheeks and lips. 

“Hi” Richard said when they made eye contact, “hi” was his simple reply. 

There was silence between them, neither of them had any idea what to say, until Richard sat down on the bed beside Lee and cleared his throat. 

“Lee, I'm sorry” Richard began and Lee sat up.

“What I did… I know it's unforgivable but I just… you need to know I am so so very very sorry and I wish I could go back in time and… I just wish I hadn't done what I did”.

Richard laid his hand on top of Lee's and squeezed it a little, his eyes were watery. 

“I never want to hurt you. I just don't know what came over me and I'm so sorry, Lee. Lee I'm so sorry. I know I will never be able to make it up to you and…” Richard was almost choking on his tears. 

“I love you, Lee. You know that, I love you and I don't want to lose you. You are the best that's ever happened to me and I cannot see how my life would be if you were not in it. But… but if you want to leave, or want me to leave then…” 

“What? No” Lee stared at his boyfriend with a confused and surprised expression. 

“Richard” he moved closer to the other man and put his arms on his shoulders. 

“I do not want to leave you and I do not want you to leave me. Yes, what you did, I don't know if I'll be able to forgive that but… I still love you too much to let you go just like that”

“So no one's going anywhere?” Richard asked, hopeful. A small smile spreading across his lips.

Lee shook his head. “No, my love. I'm staying here with you and you're staying here with me”.

They both smiled as Richard put his arms around Lee and pulled him into a tight embrace. 

“Thank god” Richard whispered as he held tight onto his boyfriend, who let a few happy tears fall down his face as he returned the embrace.

**Author's Note:**

> What a cliché, don't you think?  
> But I hoped all of you who read this liked it.


End file.
